Sunday, August 31, 2008


I just saw John McCain and his new Executive Secretary standing in front of microphones and explaining what the government is doing to try to mitigate Hurrican Gustav's strike and thanking all of the people and organizations who are poised to assist.

In other words, he stood in front of the podium and pretended to be the president while his prom date stood next to him beaming proudly.

I'm not sure what power or authority McAlzheimer has, but he certainly is playing it up like he's already sitting in the big chair. I can't wait to hear the media start blasting his presumption.

Friday, August 29, 2008

trophy veep!

After all of his talk about experience, McCain chooses a recently elected governor who is virtually unknown on the national scene, who is embroiled in scandal, whose experience is largely based on being mayor of a town of a few thousand people, and who shows none of the intellectual heft that the McCain campaign has told us is so important for the position. She is, however, fairly cute, and she's probably the only running mate McCain could find that wasn't significantly taller than him.

She even talks like she's a cheerleader from Minnesota or one of the Dakotas. I don't know much more about Sarah Palin, but it sure looks like McCain has chosen a candidate more suited for his Executive Assistant than for Vice-President.

If I were Cindy McCain, I'd be a little worried. After all, our '72 Maverick has already demonstrated a propensity for upgrading to a younger and more attractive woman with power and influence.


The right is fussing mightily that Sarah Palin and the republicans are "making history" because "there hasn't been a female vice-presidential candidate since Geraldine Ferraro in 1984."

Uh, excuse me, but doesn't the simple and already-stated fact that Geraldine Ferraro was a vice-presidential candidate in 1984 mean that Sarah Palin is NOT "making history?"

education president

for you, Karl


Now THERE'S the damned outrage I've been looking for!

(I dare not speak for him, but I think Dr. King would be proud.)

Thursday, August 28, 2008

why stop at two faces?

You have to love the right's willingness to take both sides of issues at the same time.

A few years ago, our current moron-in-chief stands before a backdrop of columns and American flags, and it's understood in the press that the stage-setting for the speech is there to impart a sense of mass, solemnity, and gravitas to the event.

This year, Barack Obama is scheduled to speak before a virtually identical backdrop of columns and American flags, and our liberal media is practically calling him an elitist, mincing nancy-boy for it. I won't be surprised if Headrush Limpbough makes some sniggering reference to Obama loving "Greek" on his freak- er, his radio show in the next day or so.

It must make life so much easier to be entirely devoid of any intrinsic principles or integrity.

sick tranny gloria mundi

Here's some funny reading from a right-winger with some pretty dramatic mental handicaps and a sequoia plank on its shoulder:

Just for the record, "Amy," if you aren't a tranny why do you choose to look like one?

yellow head, red face

I guess Chris Matthews got a little bit huffy with Keith Olbermann the other night during the Democratic convention coverage. It looks like Chris may be developing some cognition problems as he ages, because if his memory was any good he would have realized that he should have challenged Keith to a duel...

second time's the charm

Michael Chertoff was just on television assuring us that FEMA was on the ball and ready for Gustav if it turns into a hurricane and hits the Gulf Coast.

I know I'll sleep better now.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

I was wr... wr...

Wow, that marxist lesbian bitch Hillary Clinton did exactly what all the right-wing nutbags said she would and ripped apart the Democratic party in order to claw her way to the White House, didn't she?

Monday, August 25, 2008

the ultimate payback

It occurs to me that the most effective thing that a President Obama could do to send a message to the right-wing crazies that their reign of error was over and simultaneously help rebuild the liberal foundation upon which this country was based would be to use his executive powers to propose the ultimate judicial two-fer as the situations arose that would necessitate presidential nomination:

Justices of the Supreme Court William Jefferson Clinton and Hillary Rodham Clinton.

The right's thick skulls would crack like safety glass and simple air pressure would force their craniums to implode en masse.

And best of all, liberal progressive Constitutional rule would have two powerful, fearless, and outspoken proponents, possibly for upwards of thirty years.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Almost official....

this small, cropped "unofficial" logo will have to do until the new artwork comes out.

What issues?

Every four years the scene is repeated. Candidates appear at bars, restaurants, biker rallies, bowling alleys, and numerous other places you would never find them at any other time. They pitch horseshoes, down shots, talk “localese” and try to appear to be one of the crowd. All this to make voters believe, even for a moment, that they (the candidates) are “one of us”. Here’s a little hint: They aren’t, and most never were. Even those with modest backgrounds have long forgotten their roots, traveling in circles and going places most of us would never be found, or even allowed.

George Bush played the role to perfection. Born into money and power, he was given a company, a ball team, and the privileged life, yet in his flannels clearing brush at the farm, he sold himself as just one of the people.

Fast forward to 2008. If you are an Obama supporter, McCain is out of touch because he’s worth $100Million, wears $500 shoes, can’t remember how many houses he has, and is the son and grandson of Admirals. If you are a McCain supporter, Obama is out of touch because he lives in a mansion, eats arugula instead of iceberg, and uses fancy words. Both show up at local institutions, roll up their sleeves, drink a beer and throw a ball, all to let us know they can relate to our lot in life. What I would love to know (although I suspect I already know the answer) is how many times they did this before the election? My guess is close to zero.

Both men go home every day to their mansions and spend weekends at the country club or hobnobbing with rich and powerful people. So for once can we please stop playing the “Who’s more out of touch” game and start talking policies and issues?

Saturday, August 23, 2008

we'll see

The cable news networks are hyperventilating over the report of one anonymous Democratic official that Joe Biden is going to be introduced tomorrow as Obama's vice-presidential running mate. Not Al Gore, not Hillary Clinton, not Wes Clark, not even Howard Dean or any of the several proven progressives available. I suppose it could be worse and at least Biden is reliably liberal, but he has never seen the kind of republican shitstorm that is headed his way and I worry about whether the Obama stuff has vetted him as hard as the opposition undoubtedly has. I can't help but wonder about his chances of succeeding Obama after whatever his term of office is. The country is going to be descending into increasing chaos over the coming years as the aftereffects of the Bush debacle slowly begin to manifest themselves and the Republicans are going to ceaselessly scream that the problems are the result of electing a Democrat as president. I would really rather have seen Obama choose someone that had a stronger chance of following him into the presidency, even if it meant he had to share the spotlight, but if Obama wins and serves two terms, Biden will be seventy-four years old at the beginning of the 2016 election cycle. We really need at least four terms of a relentlessly liberal and intelligent government for this country to have any possibility of surviving more than a few decades, and two successful terms by Obama would really help the Democratic candidate take office for a couple of more but it's unlikely that Biden will be a viable candidate by then.

However, at my house, Senator Toe Biten is pleased.

Friday, August 22, 2008

yeah, right

I just saw a commercial for a new version of an established product: "Cialis for Daily Use."

Color me dubious.

Seems to me that more accurate names for it would be "Cialis for Optimists" or better yet, "Cialis for Liars."

goose the gander

CNN is going to be airing a segment about Barack Obama's half-brother, who, according to "Scud Stub" Leslie Blitzer, lives "a very different life" than Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama.

I'm guessing that an interview with McCain's first wife (to whom he was unfaithful) showing how "very different" her life is from Cindy McCain's will be following right on its heels.

I wonder if she knows how many houses she owns.

tinfoil hat or stylish chapeau?

working for tips, Essa?

Thursday, August 21, 2008

the plot thickens

A few minutes ago, I looked out to check on the kitten-kibble I've been putting at the side of the house, and lo and behold, there's a scrawny gold tiger kitten feeding at the trough instead of a grey and black one. I'm beginning to think I have a juvenile grey and black tiger mommy-kitten with at least a teeny grey and black tiger kitten and a slightly less teeny gold tiger kitten. More later - now I have to go figure out how to re-erect the mailbox that someone ran over with their truck a couple of hours ago. The joke's on them. The mailbox is fine, my father sheathed the post with quarter-inch steel, and their truck's bumper is definitely not looking as sharp as it might have before noon...

Why I am a member of the Angry Democrat News Network

I just don’t get it. Every day, McCain says or does something that Obama can use in some national ad, but he doesn’t. These are big things, like Kerry’s “I voted for it before I voted against it”. Every one could run over and over and become a central theme, but Obama keeps talking about hope and the future. His policies are sound, I think, but that’s not getting through. Neither is any effective attack on McCain, who is such an easy target. Examples:

1. When asked how he defined “rich”, McCain said anyone who makes over $5million a year. And he’s supposed to feel the pain of the average citizen?

2. McCain has opposed a timetable for Iraq pullout even while the administration is negotiating one

3. Yesterday, McCain said “I don’t disagree” when a woman said that she felt we need to reinstate the draft in order to catch Bin Laden

4. McCain says he’s for conservation, yet he has missed 8 out of 8 most recent critical votes on the matter

5. Then there are the flip flops:

a. Immigration
b. Offshore drilling
c. Embracing the religious right
d. Bush tax cuts

The list goes on and on (and so do I sometimes, but I digress). If the parties were reversed, Republicans would jump all over every one of these, and use them very effectively in defining their opponent. But the Democrats continue to talk about vague notions like hope and change. They can continue to talk about it until they lose.

I don't think it's just Obama's folks, it is the Democratic party in general.
Are they taking the high road because they don't want to stoop to the level?
We'll be screwed for yet another 4 years, and quite possibly, permanently.

Are they taking the high road until after the convention--to then get down and dirty? It will be too late. Do you realize how many people who heard the "Saddam Hussein/World Trade Center 9/11" chant so many times they STILL believe it, even though it's been disproved and an admitted hoax by the administration?

Perhaps they really just don't want to win and be stuck with the mess. The economy is so tenuous now, perhaps they want to let it fail on their watch. They want to BE SURE the blame goes on the Republicans.

MoveOn is the only organization who's keeping the gloves on, but they have no credibility with the right, so no one will listen to them.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

you know your campaign's in trouble when...

Every Democratic pundit has been furiously writing editorials, blog posts, and open letters to Barack Obama for the last several days, all with one basic message:


I have said for months now that Obama is a dangerous candidate for the Democrats to support because he doesn't have the stomach for the "wet work" of professional American politics as they exist today. It sure looks like a lot of other people are coming to the same conclusion and panicking as they realize that this election, which should be no contest at all, is very much up for grabs and that McCain's new Rovian staff knows no boundaries, no proprieties, no mores, and will stoop to any level in order to win. They are dedicated to winning and are willing to do whatever it takes.

On this side, Obama took a week-long vacation in the height of the most important election cycle in history. He is politely asking McCain to stop being mean and to play nice, and all that he will get for those efforts is crushed at the election-day polls.

It's time to learn how to take off the gloves and get committed, punch hard and often, and to not be afraid to get dirty when the other guy does.

Choose not to do so and we will have President McCain as the forty-fourth occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Mr. Obama, you have no other options. This will be your only bite at the apple. If you lose this election, you will never have another chance. You may as well push all of your chips into the pot and play to win, because losing will be political doom and you will be a pariah to all liberals for the rest of your life.

Barack Obama, man up and fight for your life. If you're not willing to join in battle, back out now and give the reins to Hillary Clinton.


It's been a confusing few days. I was sitting in my living room watching television Monday night. The living room adjoins the screened patio area, the only way that the freeloader gets to experience the great outdoors now ever since I cat-proofed it last week to prevent him from going out and roving free and easy.

Anyway, as I was sitting there with the door to the "catio" open and the freeloader snoozing soundly next to me, I noticed a flash of black and grey out there. I looked up to see a black and grey cat slinking along the wall, INSIDE the catio. I saw that the cat seemed larger than my estimate of the kitten, and was at least the size of an adolescent cat four to six months old. I stood up, and the cat freaked out. I walked into the catio, closing the door behind me, because if it got in the house it would have a multitude of hiding places and would be very difficult to find, and there would probably have been a hell of a catfight as the freeloader jumped in to protect his territory. The stranger cat was in complete panic mode by this time, climbing the screens, jumping from ledge to ledge, and running in circles at full speed, tail bushed out and eyes wide in terror. He finally hid behind a large keyboard case that I store on the porch, and I had the opportunity to figure out how he got in there. It turns out that my cat-proofing, which was intended to keep a kitty inside, did not preclude the possibility of a cat coming into the catio. I determined where he had entered, a little floppy spot in my cat-proofing that let him come in but dropped back down to prevent him from leaving, and propped it open with a broom. I then started slowly moving the case away from the wall and the cat flew out of his hiding spot, made a couple of high-speed laps around the catio, finally found the now-open spot he had entered, and wriggled out and ran away as fast as he could.

As I restored the catio to cat-proof and corrected the hidden entrance that the black and grey kitty had used, I pondered what I had seen. This cat was small, but even though it was very dark when I saw the kitten, the cat on my back porch seemed significantly larger than what I was positive I had seen. I eventually decided that I just couldn't be sure one way or the other.

It had been Sunday slightly after midnight when I spotted the kitten for the first time, and after releasing my accidental captive late Monday night, the food that I had left for the kitten had remained untouched, I had not heard any mewing, and had not seen any black and grey cats of any size except for the ones that live with me. I figured that either I had been wrong and incorrectly estimated the size of the kitten and that he was a little bit larger and older than I thought, or that it was a coincidence and the cat on my back porch was a different feline and that the kitten had been run off, died, or had been killed during the time since Sunday morning.

A little while ago, I looked out the kitchen window to check the kibble that I had left out in case the kitten was still around, and to my surprise, there was a very small black and grey kitten sitting dejectedly next to the now-empty bowl of kibble. He is TINY. He can't be any more than eight or ten weeks old, much smaller than I initially estimated, and only a quarter the size of the still-smallish cat that I had inadvertently trapped on the porch. They are exactly the same coloring, the biggest difference is in their sizes. I have no way to know if they are related or if it is coincidence, but I do know that there is a tiny stray kitten hanging around my house, and a larger but probably not full-grown cat that looks an awful lot like him also hanging around.

I opened a can of cubed chicken cat food and put it out by my kitchen window, refilled the kibble and water, and about an hour later the canned food was gone. So, the kitten has a full belly, is alive, and is hanging around for the handouts, all of which means that his trust can be won but it will probably take a good amount of time.

One of these days I'm going to figure out where the sign is that attracts all of these hard-luck kitties. I probably won't take it down, I'd just like to know what in the world it says...

another good one

Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs-Jones has passed away after suffering an aneurysm yesterday. She was a fiery, outspoken, and fearless liberal, one of the very few left in our increasingly totalitarian government. We can't afford to lose those. She will be missed.

...or maybe not. It appears our incredible American press got this announcement wrong. Imagine my surprise.

Despite the factual incorrectness of the first reports, the Congresswoman's status is critical, the aneurysm is in an inaccessible location, and it is quite likely that she will not be able to survive this tragic event. We need more like her. Many more.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

best typo ever

Scroll down to paragraph ten for the truth about Joseph Lieberman:

Monday, August 18, 2008

isn't that sweet

I could spew for hours about that hideously jingoistic placement interview the presidential candidates submitted to with the unctuous Rick Warren yesterday, but for the moment I'll just point out how very principled John McCain demonstrated himself to be.

He carefully explained that in his opinion, marriage is "the union of one man and one woman."

He seems to have omitted the rest of his feelings about that definition, so permit me to finish his thought. Marriage is the union of one man and one woman - until a younger, wealthier, and healthier woman comes along and provides you with the opportunity to trade up, in which case you shack up with her while you are in the process of unceremoniously dumping your grieviously injured existing wife, the one who unconditionally supported you during your own greatest life challenges.

I hope this helps clarify his principled position.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

credit where credit is due

Congratulations to Michael Phelps for breaking Mark Spitz's amazing record of seven gold medals won during a single Olympics festival back in 1972, and also in competitive swimming events.

Even more, a hearty thanks to Mr. Phelps for not sporting a Seventies gay-pornstar mustache while doing so.

here we go again

I walked into my kitchen last night to hear loud, insistent mewing coming through the open window. I went to the back door and there was nothing visible in the area where it seemed to be emanating from. I returned to what I had been doing, and later when I went back into the kitchen, the mewing had resumed. I had left the back door open a crack, and when I got close enough to peek out, I saw a tiny dark blur heading into the shrubbery. I put a handful of kibble into a small bowl and set it on my cement patio area by the back door, and far enough out to be visible from my kitchen window. After about an hour and a few checks that turned up nothing, I looked out to see an emaciated grey and black tiger kitten no more than twelve weeks old wolfing down kibble bits with only a couple of perfunctory chews of each mouthful. I tried to approach the kitten, but it would have nothing to do with that, so I left it alone to get some sustenance in peace. It's morning now and I haven't seen it since last night, but I'm sure it will return to finish the kibble later today.

This all seems frightfully familiar...

Friday, August 15, 2008



muster plastered

It was reported this week that over twenty-five percent of Middle East combat veterans have developed weekly binge drinking habits, and almost two thirds of combat veterans exhibit signs of major drinking problems, on top of post-traumatic stress concerns. We are going to have a couple of hundred thousand of these poor victims of neocon imperialism returning to our nation, not getting the attention and assistance they need and deserve, and they are going to be ticking time bombs needing little stimulus to climb the nearest clock tower and start sniping unsuspecting citizens after all of these psychological issues come to maturity and start to manifest themselves. I have little confidence in the future of our country, at least for the next couple of decades.

I think I need a drink...

Sunday, August 10, 2008

g'bye, chirrdren...

Letter To the Obama Campaign

August 10, 2008

Please excuse my bluntness, but as a loyal Obama supporter I have to wonder, are you trying to lose this election? John McCain has presented so many opportunities and you have squandered so many of them, all in the name of “clean” politics. Unfortunately, you are like the schoolboy whose mother told him not to fight, ever. Every day he takes the high road, and every day he comes home from school bloodied and beat up. At some point you have to fight back. John Kerry sat back for weeks while the Swift Boaters killed him, and by the time he responded it was too late. McCain has been successful in painting a distorted picture of you and your policies, often lying outright, and all we get from you is complaining about his tactics. Responding with facts and figures is not dirty politics, it’s smart politics. You already know what I’m about to say, but here are so many examples. What’s unfortunate is that these are found in, Newsweek and Jon Stewart, but rarely from the Obama campaign directly. Every one of this can expose John McCain for what he really is, yet you choose time and again to look the other way.

1. McCain talks a big game about conservation but last year missed every singly major vote on this topic, according to the League of Conservation Voters

2. McCain paints himself as a maverick, but in 2007 voted with Bush 95% of the time

3. McCain, to this day, criticizes you for an Iraqi pullout timetable at the same time as the Bush Administration is negotiating one with the Iraqi government

4. McCain continually lies about your tax position. I’m not talking about spin, I’m talking about blatant lies. He’s making some of this stuff up. It’s all in the following article Do the American people want to elect a blatant liar for President?

5.McCain talks about drilling “here and now”, yet even if we start today, no oil will flow for many years. The Department of Energy says the impact will be minimal. Yet you allow him to mock you on tire pressure.

6. McCain mocked you for being the biggest celebrity in the world. After 5+ years of the world hating us, with world opinion at all-time lows, a little popularity doesn’t seem so bad, does it? How about a commercial showing tens of thousands protesting Bush in a foreign country, juxtaposed with Sen Obama being cheered by hundreds of thousands. The announcer asks us, “Why after so many years of degrading world opinion, does John McCain think it’s unimportant?”

As I see it, you have two choices. Either stick to your noble game plan, all the way to the loser’s bracket, or fight back hard. None of this is “Dirty” politics as I see it, this is all smart politics. It’s all facts, not smear. All valid responses to false, but effective attacks. The time is now. Seize the moment.

it's good to be the king

Friday, August 08, 2008

what might have been

Happy birthday to my one true love, wherever you are.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

and now, the funny shit


Today marks the sixty-third anniversary of the day the United States of America became the first and only country in history to use nuclear weapons in war.

May we make it through the next hundred and sixty-six days without doing it again.

Monday, August 04, 2008

apostrophe catastrophe

Over the last couple of year's American's have been increasingly misusing apostrophe's and its really starting to get on my nerve's. Im amazed that a simple punctuation mark could prove to be so difficult to use correctly, but its obviously a problem for many American's. And its not a problem that is limited to folk's with lesser amount's of education, its a problem that appear's regularly in large newspaper's and magazine's, as well as television show's on major network's. Even presumably well-educated writer's manifest this lack of understanding of how to use apostrophe's, so Im going to explain it in order to help eradicate these literacy issue's once and for all.

If you are writing about multiple thing's, you should never use apostrophe's to indicate plural's. Any student's that went to American school's learned from their English teacher's that apostrophe's are not used to indicate plural's or multiple's of thing's, they are used to indicate possessive's or contraction's. If you use apostrophe's to indicate multiple's of thing's, it makes your writing really difficult to read. Apostrophe's are also used to indicate missing letter's in contraction's, as in "isnt" or "cant" or "wouldnt."

Remember a few week's ago when Barack Obamas comment that American's should learn second language's was fussed over by John McCains campaign staffer's? Id be thrilled just to see American's learn their own language! So please, stop abusing apostrophe's. Its not that difficult to use them correctly, and Im sure that if youd like to be seen as serious writer's and thinker's that you dont want English speaker's around the world to conclude that all American's are illiterate bumpkin's. Thats fairly easy to understand, isnt it?

Remember the sagacious advice of one of Americas most famous philosopher's: "Get a brain moran's."


Considering how hard the McCain campaign has already had to start scraping the bottom of the barrel for this election, what with the Obama/Moses and the Obama/Britney/Paris television advertisements, the Obama/antichrist email being sent around, and all of the other crass and petty little tactics they are using because they lack any real substance to discuss, here's what I predict will be the refinement of strategy we will see this week.

Remember the fooforaw last week about Barack Obama being too thin and exercise-conscious to be serious enough to be president, and the right-wing-noise-machine branding of him as presumptuous and arrogant, which are really just code words for "uppity?"

This week will bring the introduction of the "metrosexual" meme. They will begin to portray him as suspiciously pretty and too concerned about his appearance, and Maureen Dowd ("must be tiring lugging around that giant brain, M[s] Dowd") will write one of her catty "I can't find a man that will put up with my attitude, so I'm going to piss on all of them" columns that vomits up gay innuendo about Obama based upon the projection of her own private fears and inadequacies. In a truly Rovian trick, the right wingers are simultaneously branding Obama as the superbad negro who will fuck your rich blonde daughters and as a foppish dandy with insufficient testosterone to be the Commander in Chief.

It's time to start branding John McCain as the geriatric snowbird and trophy husband he is. I've seen several pictures of him lately in which he, in his cardigans, blazers, jammed-on trucker cap, and Italian loafers, looks exactly like the multitudes of retired or semi-retired who are affluent enough to own summer homes in Florida, and who queue up for the 4:00 PM Early Bird luncheons at Morrison's Cafeterias along Highway A1A every day.

Fair's fair.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

McAlzheimer's for President!

Good thing he won't have to handle any of these complicated and difficult-to-understand questions if he's elected:

got it figured out

I think I finally understand the republican strategy for this year's presidential race.

1. Barack Obama is not qualified to be president, because he hasn't been president before.
2. John McCain is entirely qualified to be president, because he got shot down and was a POW.

Did I miss anything?

Friday, August 01, 2008

Friday (pissed-off) cat blogging

For the last year and a half, since he showed up at my front door in the middle of a January blizzard, the freeloader has been the only one of my kitties permitted to go outside. He's been the stay-at-home type the entire time, apart from a couple of overnighters when he could not be bothered to come inside, and has hung out in the shrubbery surrounding the house as well as the wind-row of pine trees behind my next-door neighbor's house.

Yesterday, around four o'clock in the afternoon, I looked out of my window after hearing a couple of cars roar by on the adjacent road at speeds of at least seventy miles per hour (in a forty-five mile per hour zone) and saw MY cat running across the street from the opposite side of the road just as fast as he could as cars passed from both directions seconds after he made his mad dash to my yard.

Grounded. For good. It's official.

All of my kitties now live indoors, including the freeloader. After losing Monchy so recently, now watching this wonderful cat put himself into harm's way in the extreme and realizing that a few seconds either way, a misstep or a trip and stumble as he crossed and I would have had to clean his splattered cadaver off the road made the call easy. He is not going to be happy about this decision of mine, but I love him too much to permit that to happen to him, and I love me too much to put myself through that kind of heartbreak.

I'm on my way to the hardware store to get some kind of fencing or screen to reinforce and catproof the back patio. Even if he can't chase birdies and bunnies and squirrels, he will be able to get some fresh air. That will be his outdoors post from now on, and it will just have to be good enough.

And no, this isn't him, although it's a dead ringer for him:

fat of the land

Today's Murdoch Street Journal asks the serious question "is Barack Obama too slender to be president?" You see, America is a land of out-of-shape couch potatoes who just can't get comfortable with the idea of a healthy person who tries to stay fit in the midst of a busy and hectic schedule, and Obama's workout schedule makes his patriotism and very American-ness suspect. Conveniently overlooking the very public exercise program of our chimpanzee-in-chief and his "office wife," the Journal posits that in these troubled times, we need a chunky chief executive.

Well, okay then.

Mr. Gore, your country needs you. Even the Wall Street Journal thinks so. And just to be safe, I'd like to recommend that you choose Michael Moore, whose bellyful of patriotism is obvious to all observers, for your Vice-President.