Tuesday, March 30, 2010

ducks in a barrel

"Palin's remarks focused mainly on Sen. Reid, Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) and President Obama, the latter of whom was the opponent of the McCain-Palin ticket in the 2008 presidential campaign. Palin beckoned to two familiar phrases from the Obama-Biden campaign.

'That bumper sticker that maybe you'll see on the next Subaru driving by -- an Obama bumper sticker -- you should stop the driver and say, 'So how is that hopey, changey thing working out for ya?'"

---Not so bad, actually. How's that Dopey, Cheney thing working out for you?

Monday, March 29, 2010

the empress has new clothes

Wonder how much McCain had to pay for this Nazi Ninja costume...

Friday, March 26, 2010

that Maverick's got a lot of miles on it

Sarah Palin:

"Fidel Castro likes Obamacare, and we don't like Obamacare, doesn't that tell ya somethin'?"

Yes, it does. It tells me you're not even as smart as Fidel Castro.

trust fall

Catholic priest Lawrence Murphy molested two hundred deaf boys placed in his trust and under his supervision. Asked for comment, Murphy reportedly said: "DEAF? No wonder. Dammit, I thought they were MUTES!"

Either way, never trust anyone just because of what they say or what their job is.

happy birthday, Madame Speaker!

And thanks for your service to this country.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

treasonous weasel

John McCain, you need to shut up, leave Congress, and permanently remove yourself from this planet. You are a liar, a coward, and a traitor. You betrayed your country and sold out your fellow servicemen by collaborating with the enemy while incarcerated as a prisoner of war, you ran for the presidency with no purpose other than fame and glory, and foisted the most unqualified and unprepared person you could find upon us as your choice for vice president. Your recent pledge to do nothing to help the people of the United States as long as the Democratic party is in the driver's seat shows once again that you only care about yourself.

It's time for you to go into your private office, put the gun to your head, and pull the trigger. Don't bother with a note, it would be more self-serving bullshit. Enough is enough. It is time for you to atone for your shame by, for once in your life, doing the honorable thing.

road of clap

This is why I don't waste time on the Huffington Post.


Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Sun Two

A couple posts ago I mentioned how brilliant I thought the tactics that the president employed to get a victory on health care were, and after little more consideration it occurs to me that the strategy itself was intensely focused and was the other necessary ingredient for him to succeed where others have failed for decades. Instead of trying to come up with a workable plan for a complex socialized health care system, it looks like Mr. Obama zeroed in on one single essential element and singlemindedly pursued it as the key that would unlock everything else.

The president chose to legally elevate health care to a right of existence rather than a privilege of wealth and power. That simple fact is the fulcrum to slowly modify the clumsy opening framework of federal mandates and corporate insurance. It would have been impossible to engineer a functional healthcare system in one fell swoop, not because we couldn't have simply established Medicare for all, but because society itself is unfortunately too fragmented and fragile to survive such a monumental change all at once.

By simply creating a right to health care rather than a national health care system, it will be almost impossible to undo this legislation. Putting all of the moving parts together will take time anyway, and the distraction caused by the creation of a massive national bureaucracy from whole cloth would have made it difficult to pass such a cultural transformation.

Once again, I have no choice but to admit that I'm impressed at how targeting the crucial strategy and the crucial tactic out of the myriad choices in the battle for healthcare permitted our president to produce change equal to or greater in importance than emancipation, women's suffrage, Social Security, civil rights, and Medicare.

Bravo, Mr. President. If you left office tomorrow your legacy would still place you in the top ten of our nation's leaders, which is pretty good company. And to the rest of the world, take heed. The man that is in charge of the United States now is dangerously smart and knows how to only fight battles he wins. We're in good hands again and we're nobody's fools any more.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

the REAL Al Franken decade

Son of Tzu

I've been watching all of the post-game punditry about our brand new Health Care Reform, and I suddenly grasped how these victories are coming, despite seeming massive odds against them. Instead of going head-on into open warfare against the Nutzi Party as a caricatureable, flaming bleeding-heart, effete, elitist, revolutionary black liberal, President Obama realized that the overboard extremism of the opposing party is a huge gap in their armor and is going around their flanks to attack them from the unassailable bastion of their own previous positions, demonstrating it in tactics like virtually copying the Romney/Massachusetts health system and installing it on a national level. He is pulling the center back to the left incrementally without any figurative bloodshed and keeping the high ground of the debate firmly on his own side at the same time.

Thank you, sensei. The best lesson is the one you teach yourself.

permit me to explain

The loser party is increasing the volume of their whining about America's new health care reform legislation. One of their familiar talking points is that making health care a right rather than being a traditional privilege of the wealthy and powerful is that it is going to inevitably lead to "rationing" of health care in the United States.

Well, losers, here's the deal.

Even if that was the case it might be "rationing" for you assholes, but for the rest of us it means "sharing" and the simple fact that we might actually GET SOME FUCKING HEALTH CARE.

ignominy and irrelevance

...gave a press conference today after President Obama signed Health Care Reform into law.

And yes, Joe, it's a "big fucking deal!" Thanks for stating it in plain English!

the republican response to health care

Monday, March 22, 2010



I'm hopeful that this may be an educable moment, but experience says it won't be.

Thank you, President Obama

You may be saving my friend's life, and possibly even mine.

Sunday, March 21, 2010


The United States of America just became more civilized.

sanctimony is orange

today's the day

Overture, curtains, lights,
This is it, the night of nights
No more rehearsing and nursing a part
We know every part by heart
Overture, curtains, lights
This is it, you'll hit the heights
And oh what heights we'll hit
On with the show this is it

Tonight what heights we'll hit
On with the show this is it!

and speaking of happy...

Happy Day of Planetaria! Go see a starshow today, preferably at a modern digital installation. It's an experience you won't forget and you will almost certainly go see another one this year if you do.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

speaking of sunshine

Happy first day of Spring from Kansas!

rays of sunshine

I was just reading an old post on another blog that referenced a quote from evil clown Robert Novak, and I cringed.

Then I remembered that Robert Novak was dead, and I smiled.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

gonna go party with Peter

RIP Fess Parker. I expect a resurgence of the coonskin cap.

okay, one more

And what's all this fuss about "demon pass" rules? Shouldn't those demons drive the same way as the rest of us?


Never mind.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

for Emily

Happy St. Patrick's Day to our Irish president, Brock O'Bama!

...never mind.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

good news!


It seems I don't have to worry about my cardiac health. No congratulations are necessary...


It looks like some time in the next week our Congress will vote on whether to provide basic medical care to the citizens of this country as a fundamental part of civil rights.

When you think about it, we are going to find out the answer to an important and largely unspoken question.

In a land where businesses can be pronounced "too big to fail" and receive enormous amounts of taxpayer-financed largesse to rescue them from their own malfeasance, are the country's political leaders going to take the official stance that our fellow citizens are "too small to matter?"

Monday, March 15, 2010

enough time for another gram, right, Andrew?

I guess I'm not the only one waiting for the big not-so-Breitbart revelation that is going to bury the liberal movement in this country once and for all:


Sunday, March 14, 2010

oh, my god - really.

Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?

imagine that

it's all going down

On February 22, crazy conservative cokehead Andrew Breitbart, in a taped exchange at the CPAC "conference," told Max Blumenthal that "in three weeks" he would be releasing news that would destroy the Democrats, destroy Obama, destroy the Congress, and would take down the entire left of the United States of America.

It's now been three weeks. I suppose we all may as well kill ourselves now so we don't have to face the debacle, because the shit's goin' down real soon.

After all, we know the guy that brought us the fake pimp and hooker story has enormous credibility.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

I kid you not

Pop singer Michelle Branch just posted this MySpace comment:

"Just took a dump so big it was based on the novel "Push" by Sapphire."

Well alrighty, then.

he has risen

Friday, March 12, 2010

deja vu

Watching MSNBC in the afternoon is exactly like listening in on the catty, mean-girl cheerleader Heathers as they sit together at their special table in the high-school lunchroom and gossip about all of the other people that don't meet their superficial standards, with the woefully stupid jocks wandering in every so often to offer some moronic non-sequiturs.

We really are doomed.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

cutting-edge research discovery

Progressive blogger targeted by Beck

looks like a duck to me

For the last few weeks, there has been incessant bashing of Toyota Motors. Despite the fact that incidents with Toyotas have been few and far between and that Toyota immediately offered fixes for problems they were being criticized for, our unreliable and often incoherent media has been beating the anti-Toyota drum long and loud. At this point, I can't help but think that there is a deliberate effort to discredit Toyota in order to steer american buyers to Ford and GM vehicles to try to keep these two wretched companies afloat. What puzzles me the most is that Ford and GM are in position they are in because for the last thirty-odd years, american car manufacturers have been putting out products that have all of the build quality and reliability of a 1978 Yugo. I own a Toyota and it is the most reliable and best-constructed vehicle I have ever had. I've also had five Fords in the last twenty years (all purchased new) and their build quality left something to be desired and without exception, the Fords all developed problems that included mysterious electrical problems as well as cylinder head and valve problems that were costly to repair out of warranty.

If our government and our media have any ulterior motives for this nonstop lynch-mob mentality and actually are trying to prop up american companies despite their lack of quality, let's give them all Ford Pintos to drive and see how they feel about Toyota then.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

sad assclown

Shorter Glenn Beck to Eric Massa:

"Show me on the doll where Rahm touched you. PLEEEASE SHOW ME! NOW!"

Monday, March 08, 2010

the things I have to put up with

can't believe this didn't get a "best actor"

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

the rest of the story

While Dick Cheney was recovering from the latest unsuccessful secession attempt by his heart, George W. Bush visited him in the hospital. It was apparently the first time the two have seen each other since the inauguration ceremony. Catching up on news, Bush told Cheney that he had spent the last year working on his new book.

I wonder if he stayed inside the lines.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010


In 1985, if anybody had told me that I would never want to hear Christie Brinkley orgasmically gasping "ohhh, it's fanTAStic!" again, I would have questioned their sanity.