Saturday, May 31, 2008

the very definition of feckless

I'd be willing to bet that if the Republicans proposed a bill that all Democrats should be shot twice in the head that the Democrats would negotiate a compromise that all Democrats should be shot in the head only once - and they would look smugly self-satisfied about how fair their sensible, middle-of-the-road decision was to both sides.

Friday, May 30, 2008


"Why was Crowley’s post so stunning? Because it didn’t sem to enter his mind to state what Clinton had actually said. Why would someone even think that she was 'raising the specter' (whatever that was supposed to mean); quite literally, she didn’t even mention Obama! By any normal interpretive standard, the meaning of her statement was perfectly clear: Nomination fights have often gone into June. You can always imagine what you want to imagine about a person’s statement, of course. But in a world which runs on basic decency, what would make someone actually think that Clinton was 'raising a specter' here? Oh yeah! The (imagined) ability to read her mind! To contemplate her 'unconscious!'"

Thursday, May 29, 2008

riding into the sunset

"It's 'Hedley!'"

teh buttsecks

...ur doin it wrong.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Million Middle Finger March

At the very bottom of the post:

I sincerely think this should become reality. And a million isn't nearly enough.


I simply don't have the free time to write the explanatory post I would like to write, so here are a few people who say it better than I ever could.

And, the phrase used in a previous post is not actually an invitation so much as an exhortation of scorn and contempt tossed down as a gauntlet from one man to a significantly lesser one. So, I hope anyone that agrees with Mr. Olbermann, the newest of Jack Welch's Lost Boys (how long before he buys his own house on Nantucket?) will read this with an open mind.

The truth is, our country's electoral system is horribly Byzantine and not very democratic, but the only time anyone gets exercised about the idiotic complexity of it is during elections. Let's fix it, but we need to realize that now isn't the moment. When your car is rolling down the highway at seventy miles per hour, it isn't the right time to replace your alternator.

Monday, May 26, 2008

say goodnight, Dick

...goodnight, Dick.

Friday, May 23, 2008

I got your special comment, bitch

Keith Olbermann can suck my cock.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

just fucking shoot me

I learned from watching the last half of tonight's "Countdown" on MSNBC that Ellen Degeneres is marrying actress Portia De Rossi this summer.

I wish them the best of luck and happiness, but this story also brought me the painful realization that it's really depressing to be so old and shopworn that even Ellen Degeneres can attract a more gorgeous, intelligent and talented woman than I could ever dream of these days...

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

read this blog!

There are millions of blogs today. Most of them (probably including this one) aren't very important. Now there's another one.

But this one's important:

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

a horrid trifecta

Senator Edward Kennedy, after spending a weekend in the hospital as a result of a seizure, has now been diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor and a very unfavorable prognosis. The type of tumor he has is one that does not yield to treatment very well, and despite having the most comprehensive medical care on the planet he is not likely to live much longer than another year.

As one who lived during the murders of President John Fitzgerald Kennedy and Senator Robert Francis Kennedy, I can't help but find it eerily coincidental that the three brothers who have accomplished more positive achievements for our nation than any other single family I can think of will all have passed away as a result of violent disruption of their brain tissue, whether from bullet or tumor.

Best wishes, Senator Kennedy. I can only hope that the stupid cracks about Chappaquiddick will finally stop and that you will get the full measure of respect and honor that you deserve for your long, faithful, and tireless service to our nation.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Happy Birthday!

...Mr. Rick Wakeman.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

hey, that clown car's not a vagina!

Famous humping christians Jim-Bob and Michelle Duggar recently announced that they are expecting their eighteenth child. The customary flurry of media attention descended upon them and they have been grabbing all the limelight they can, which is their prerogative, but I'm just not buying the whole story.

I'm pretty sure that they just have five or six kids, and it's the same ones crawling in the door on the other side and then pretending they were in there the whole time...

Monday, May 05, 2008

one step from rabbit stew

I think I have a stalker. You see, for the third time in less than two years, Air Force One flew directly over my house yesterday.

I'm looking into getting a restraining order.

Sunday, May 04, 2008


For around thirty years of my life, I never thought I would see the event that took place today. It's an anniversary. A tenth anniversary, as a matter of fact. Nothing of any real moment in the universe, it's just a tiny bit of trivia that matters only to me but which for me is a significant milestone.

I quit smoking cigarettes ten years ago.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

howzat again?

I'm no fan of the Huffington Post. I think it is a slightly left-leaning version of the Drudge Report, with about as much credibility and drama as that toilet of a website contains. Ms. Huffington has been out pimping her new book the last few weeks, and on April 28th, published a column on the website about the book that can be found at:

It's not an unreasonable article, but the real tickler is the line that says:

"Democratic leaders need to re-define the center of American politics. Right is no longer the opposite of left. It is the opposite of wrong."

Right is the opposite of wrong? I'm not sure that's going to help the Democratic party's case very much. Yes, I know what she was probably trying to say, but unfortunately, it isn't what she said.

It would be pathetic if it wasn't so fucking funny.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Narfle the Garthok!

on pudenda

My last post included several uses of one of the two most hurtful epithets in the English language. I'd like to state for the record that I used it repeatedly and intentionally because I wanted to make it absolutely crystal clear what McCain has been reported to have said (by the usually credible Cliff Schecter) because he is getting a free pass on a lot of stuff that nobody else would.

While I strongly feel that there are no offensive words, only offensive uses of words, that particular word has become very poisonous over the last few decades after literally centuries of common and popular use, even though the root of the word simply means "triangle" and the term had no pejorative value for a very long time. Today, it is widely reviled because it is almost always used as a hurtful expression and virtually never as a descriptive conversational term. It is definitely not a usual part of my own lexicon. I have used it on a few occasions, almost all of them under my breath as an expression of my own personal disgust with someone, and more often than not, someone male.

I have used it to directly address a female on one occasion. I'm glad I did, the party it was directed at deserved far worse.

There are a multitude of words for both male and female body parts, and it seems that other common slang term is the one that is in vogue today. Although I dearly love cats, that one isn't a regular part of my vocabulary either. Nor is the more clinical selection, the completely inaccurate "vagina," inaccurate because you pretty much have to be a gynecologist armed with speculum and flashlight to see that part of the female anatomy.

Nope, I don't like any of the other obvious ones, either.

The term I prefer is "vulva." A soft and elegant little word, it even sounds like the name of some kind of exotic little jungle mammal, like a tiny lemur with golden eyes and a luxuriant pelt, and carries overtones of "velvet" and "lava." And, not only is it musical to the ear, it is anatomically correct because it refers to the visible external female genitalia. I invite you all to join me on my crusade to educate the public and to make it the popular term.

Meanwhile, please don't write me and gripe about my use of language.

I might call you a dick.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

the true face of the right

There's an interesting article in the Des Moines Register's online version. The brief account is about a campaign stop for John McCain, in which an audience member asks McCain if reports that he called his wife a "cunt" are true or not.

To quote the article:

Audience member: This question goes to mental health and mental health care. Previously, I've been married to a woman that was verbally abusive to me. Is it true that you called your wife a (expletive)?

McCain: Now, now. You don't want to... Um, you know that's the great thing about town hall meetings, sir, but we really don't, there's people here who don't respect that kind of language. So I'll move on to the next questioner in the back.

Crowd applauds.

What's really revealing is the comments posted to the article, most of which are clearly from supporters of the right-wing.

Rusty Shackleford: "Who hasnt?"

Merlin: "McCain was in the Navy for 23 years -- you have to expect some colorful language from a sailor."

Mindboggled: "I agree with Rusty and SueCindy. And so what if he called her whatever? It happens. And why should anyone even care if he did? The "audience member" made himself look like a horse's rear for even asking."

SueCindy: "BIG DEAL!! my husband and I have called each other some very very nasty names in the heat of an argument. All that shows me is he is a real person.

bgs1971: "Sounds like a Democrat was planted in the audience."

"Who hasnt?"
"So what?"
"It happens."
"Why should anyone care if he did?"
"All that shows me is he is a real person."
"You have to expect some colorful language from a sailor."

Words fail me.

"Who hasn't," Rusty? I'm pretty sure that a lot of men haven't called their wife a cunt. Not only did John McCain completely avoid answering the question, the right wing is actually standing up for McCain's right to call his wife a cunt. The right thinks it's no "big deal" that John McCain called his wife a cunt. The right thinks that John McCain calling his wife a cunt shows that he is a "real person." The right thinks that calling your wife a cunt is just using "colorful language." The right thinks that anyone who finds that calling your wife a cunt is unforgiveably offensive must be a Democrat who was "planted in the audience," because apparently, in republican world, calling your wife a cunt is just okey-dokey and shows how much of a manly maverick you are. All of you women out there need to remember that if you get called a cunt, the right says "so what" because calling women cunts is a perfectly ordinary thing that real people do.

This is the same right-wing that holds Democrats feet to the fire for something that someone that they are distantly acquainted with said in the past, but when their own presidential candidate calls his wife a cunt in public, it's no big deal. Of course, this very candidate tells the questioner that the people there "don't respect" that kind of language even though he is the one accused of using it. Evidently, that doesn't include the commenters who seem to have no problem with it as well as the audience members who applauded McCain's evasion of the question.

Does anyone still think we can negotiate with these worthless beings, and that they will act in good faith? These bottom-feeding thugs know no propriety, no honor, no truth, no decorum, and they deserve no quarter. The only form of governance they know is domination and submission. It is time to wrest control of the United States from the scoundrels and to legislatively exterminate them. If we don't do it now, sooner or later we will have to fight them with real weapons.

Consider yourselves warned.

let freedom wane

Five years ago today, the worst president in history commandeered an aircraft carrier for a photo opportunity, and under a gigantic banner that said "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED" told us that the war on Iraq was over and that we had won. His supporters crowed like the chickenhawks they are, and castigated the people who from the start had been adamant that this was a bad idea that would come to a bad end.

Of course, we know now that they deserved to crow. Iraq today is a beacon of freedom and democracy for the middle east, the United States is running like a top with the biggest and best economic recovery in history, our nation has more worldwide respect and authority than any since the beginning of civilization, gasoline is now only twenty-seven cents a gallon, and since the Supreme Court ruled that global warming was a myth, the future looks rosier than it ever has before.

And then I woke up, sweaty and screaming...