Thursday, September 29, 2005

a real carriage of misjustice

It's over. John Roberts has been confirmed as the next Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.

Twenty-two Democrats voted to confirm him.

Shame on you all.

fowl republicans

The last couple of days, the Republicans have been whining and crying like four-year-old girls whose dollie got stolen. DeLay, Frist, and all of their scumbag cronies are practically begging the media to make the big meanie Democrats stop picking on them.

Democrats, if you back down from these cowardly pussies, you are toast. The knife is at their throat.

Plunge it in and sever that carotid. You don't know how good it will feel when you do.

If you hesitate, they will destroy you. This isn't a game, this isn't "just politics," this is life and death.

Take them the fuck out once and for all. The time is now. No mercy. You wouldn't receive any. To decide not to destroy the Republican party is to decide to die. It's in your hands.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

without delay

The rumors were right. Tom DeLay has been indicted for involvement in illegal corporate campaign contributions to TRMPAC, the Texans for a Republican Majority Political Action Committee. The dreaded vermin man will have to step down as House Majority leader, and potentially faces jail time if this goes to the ultimate conclusion.

Tom, I hear that if you push out like you have to fart it makes that whole initial penetration thing go a little easier.

Friday text-only cat-blogging

So it's not Friday. Sue me.

RIP Dobbie. I won't forget the sock. Good-bye, little one.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

crystal clear

Now we find that little Ashley "he said he thought I was an angel from god" Smith, who was held up as a vessel of divinity for talking Atlanta courtroom murderer Brian Nichols out of killing her by reading him uplifting and spiritual passages from "The Purpose-Driven Life," another of the multitudes of books taking advantage of superstitious Americans, wasn't completely forthcoming. For several days Ms. Smith was an unavoidable interviewee on television news and talk shows, and apparently made enough money out of the admittedly frightening seven hours she spent to improve her lifestyle dramatically. She talked like a female television evangelist for all of her interviews, and emphasized how she had turned her life around and wanted to share it with Nichols. Turns out there was a little more. She also gave him some crystal meth that she "just happened to have" around the house. That's not quite the same scenario, now, is it? I recall arguing with friends over how much her story stunk back then and that there had to be more than meets the eye to it, and was even ridiculed for taking an "atheistic" stance.

Fishy is as fishy does. Good job of scamming the system, Ashley.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

it's really time

So, am I the ONLY one wondering (with hopeful anticipation) if that putrid and shameless sot Christopher Hitchens finally got the shit justly beaten out of him by George Galloway after last night's "Real Time with Bill Maher?"

Bill, if you have outtakes, I'll pay you well for them.

fo' shizzle, Iacozizzle

It's Chrysler's fault.

I'm being watched, so I can't talk long, but it's all Chrysler's fault.

The gas prices, I mean.

You see, back in the Sixties and early Seventies, Chrysler dabbled in the mechanical occult, and they were seduced by the dark side in the form of the famous Hemi 426 engines. Everybody wanted a Hemi, people were even starting to stuff these monstrosities into passenger cars. Within a few years, the wizardly powers of the Hemis took over NASCAR, and to banish them back to Hell, the Arabs formed OPEC and soon we had a full-blown gasoline crisis on our hands for the very first time. Gasoline prices went through the roof and we even experienced gasoline rationing in peacetime in the United States, the country that was built on wheels.

Chrysler relented, and stepped back into the light, stopping production on Hemis.

A few years ago, haunted by the spirits of torque and horsepower, Chrysler started producing Hemis again, and now you can buy several different models of Chrysler cars and trucks with Hemi engines, with a brand-new array of displacements and power options. The Hemi is back with all of the occult forces it possesses intact and ready to cause new mischief.

Now we have $3.00 gasoline and will see it go higher, and possibly even start seeing shortages and rationing again.

Don't fool around with forces you don't understand. See what happens?

It's Chrysler's fault.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

thank you sir, may I have another?

If hurricane Rita hits the Galveston, Texas area, hold your ankles firmly and exhale.


And record profits for the big five oil companies. See, the economy is roaring!

compassionate conservative

With his customary wisdom, George W. Bush recently suspended the Davis-Bacon Act, which permits the government and participating contractors to pay less than the prevailing or average wage to construction workers, with the stated intent of making the rebuilding dollars go a little bit farther.

Today, the administration announced it is looking into suspending the Service Contracts Act, which would permit paying less to the already-underpaid and hard-worked employees in service industry companies in the affected Gulf Coast region.

In other words, the people at the bottom of the economic totem pole will be making less money for the same demanding physical work in these two industries which will feature strongly in the reconstruction and economic revival of the areas affected by hurricane Katrina.

Meanwhile, the administration has completely ruled out repealing the three hundred billion dollars in annual tax cats for the people in the country who make over a million dollars a year.

Cut wages for minimum-wage or slightly better-paid working people to rebuild one of our most vital transportation ports? Makes sense, let's do it right away before we hemorrhage any more valuable tax money unnecessarily.

Repeal tax cuts for people who can actually afford it and really won't miss the money, many of whom will benefit financially from the reconstruction?

Hey, not so fast, that's not fair!

Fuck you, George W. Bush. You aren't MY president.

it all spends the same, right?

In a remark famously made at our feckless leader's first post-"re-election" press conference, little w. said that he had gained lots of political capital and planned on making the most of it.

Perhaps he should use that capital to rebuild the Gulf Coast of the United States.

all fall down

We have finally surpassed 1900 American combat deaths in Iraq. That excludes, of course, the deaths that occurred after injured personnel were transported out of Iraq, but is nonetheless a milestone.

Dark W. Helmet has on many occasions stated that the "American armed forces will stand down as the Iraqi forces stand up."

Sure is beginning to look more like the American forces are just doing a lot of falling down and the Iraqi forces are mostly running away.

Monday, September 19, 2005

holy crap

I have finally figured out where I have seen the kind of response that George W. Bush gets from his supporters. It's in religion. George W. Bush is just like god.

When good things happen, christian god gets the credit. When bad things happen, christian god doesn't get the blame.

What's really amazing is, with a tilted playing field like that, George managed to fuck up this thoroughly.

Friday, September 16, 2005

big picture guy

In today's press conference with Vladimir Putin, our feckless leader was unprepared, confused, stammering, and talking out the clock with the standard-issue "we're going to A/B because we're B/A-ers" bullshit that he has siphoned out of Karl Rove and Karen Hughes on a daily basis. He talked of grandiose but nebulous plans to protect the United States of America and the people who live there from all manner of scary bogeymen. One odd side trip was his discussion of the need to figure out how to prevent an outbreak of Avian Flu.

Why do I get the feeling that he thinks the way fight Avian Flu is by drinking Poland Springs instead?

wet nightmare

Hey George, how's that "mandate" thing going these days?

Thursday, September 15, 2005

and the best part

Of course, during his speech, which could have been simply given in front of a green-screen the same way "The Daily Show" pulls off their "location" shots, he turned the American Gulf Coast into the twin of the Persian Gulf Coast. Lousiana, Mississippi, and Alabama are now going to be "opportunity zones" just like Iraq.

"Opportunity zones" is a polite term for what are normally called "Halliburton Feeding Troughs."

George II has successfully transformed Iraq to be like the United States - by making the United States more like Iraq.

Thanks, George.

the smell is irony

Let me get this straight. Dark W. Helmet flew to New Orleans this afternoon in a 747, and within 45 minutes of the end of his speech was taxiing back down the runway to head home to Washington, D.C. And we're paying $3.00 a gallon for gasoline.

reality bites

Judging from the haggard, drawn, and painfully aware expression on the face of our feckless leader over the last few days, I'd be willing to be that sometime in the very recent past, at a very private gathering of a handful of top government and corporate types, that a conversation similar to this has finally taken place:

G. W. Bush (in a stern, authoritative presidential voice) -
"OK, folks, it's time to come up with some serious damage control now. This New Orleans thing is starting to do some real damage to my presidency."

Unknown high official or businessman (in a tone of impatient irritation) -
"George, just shut up. This never was YOUR presidency."

It will be quite interesting to see how this all plays out.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

immorally bankrupt

Looks like Delta Airlines and Northwest Airlines will both be filing for bankruptcy soon. It seems that the escalation of fuel prices has put a serious cramp in their ability to pursue their business. Yeah, it's done that for the rest of us, too.

What I can't help but wonder is, since the Nutzis in power have made it clear that they feel that all citizens should find it very difficult to obtain bankruptcy relief because everybody should honor the commitments they made and pay all of their creditors, will the government force these two companies to pay their creditors or are they simply going to be relieved of their debts and permitted to reorganize and go straight back into business?

It's a sad state of affairs when corporations have more rights and protections under the law than individual citizens do.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

another shoe falls

In a story on CNN this morning, it was noted that next year, credit card companies will be DOUBLING their minimum monthly payments, which according to the report, means an average of $200 per month more in expenses for the average card-holder.

While it is certainly wise to ensure that minimum payments are sufficient to reduce the principal on a debt, it is unlikely that people who only make the minimum payments on their card bills will be able to afford the dramatic increase, forcing many of them to default.

With the new bankruptcy laws (which are finally receiving some attention due to their potential impact on the victims of hurricane Katrina) it seems likely that a lot of people will be required to liquidate personal assets in order to pay the increased charges, and that many will simply be unable to do so.

It seems obvious that this is part of the present administration's effort to loot the wealth of the United States and appropriate it for themselves and their cronies, which will further weaken the already wobbling economy of our country. First, make it virtually impossible for the average person to escape financial ruination, and then increase their debt-load. Voila. You suddenly control the wealth of the country. He who owns the gold makes the rules.

Unfortunately, there are going to be a lot of pissed-off debtors who will finally begin to understand the con game to which they fell victim.

I hate even thinking this, but it looks more and more every day that the way the future course of our nation is going to be decided will be with armed insurrection and another civil war, and when it happens, it will be the fault of the Republicans.

Not that it will matter then.

hurricane Laura

Hot on the heels of her loathsome mother-in-law explaining how being housed at the Houston Astrodome was "working out quite well" for the "underprivileged" victims of her ignorant spawn's fuckup, the Zoloft-glazed Laura Bush was recently interviewed while "helping" (yeah, that three-minute photo-op really took a chunk out of the workload) at a relief center for people displaced by hurricane Katrina.

Of course, through the entire interview, she kept referring to the devastation wrought by hurricane "Karina."

Hon, it sort of cuts into your credibility when you don't even know the name of the storm responsible for the worst natural disaster in the history of the United States.

Monday, September 12, 2005

deep thinker

I'd like to explain something to Washington Post reporter Marc Fisher, who, in an article contemplating why people would refuse to leave their home without their pet like some have in the areas stricken by hurricane Katrina, said:

"Beats me. But then again, I cannot fathom why all these folks who stayed behind to take care of their pets would risk their lives for an animal that they could easily replace at any pet store."

Actually, Marc, I couldn't "replace" any of the animals that I love and who depend on me for their very existence.

A hack reporter like you, however, is a different matter.

I'm pretty sure I could find not only a replacement for you at a pet store, but a significant upgrade.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

the way we were

Four years ago today, I got in trouble with my place of employment for calling in to say that I would not be at work that day as I would be watching the unfolding coverage of the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. That morning I said to my employer, who made it clear that it would be looked upon unfavorably if I didn't show up for work, that history was being made, that things would never be the same again, that our country was going to go through several years of the hardest times it had ever seen, that our very American way of life would be seriously threatened, and that the Bush administration was going to take measures that would belatedly be seen as catastrophic and endanger the future of our country.

I got sneering laughter in return.

I quit soon after.

I still wish I had been wrong.

Friday, September 09, 2005

imagine my surprise

Politicians, pundits, and citizens from all political walks are now criticizing the president for choosing people to run the Department of Homeland Security and FEMA who had no real experience in emergency management and resource coordination.

Wow, really?

George W. Bush, who has no qualifications to run the most powerful nation on the planet, chooses people who have no qualifications for their jobs to be his subordinates?

Shocked, I am. Shocked.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005


Today, our pathetic failure of a president announced that he would begin investigations into the frightfully slow government response to the flooding of New Orleans by hurricane Katrina leading to possibly thousands of unnecessary deaths.

Thank goodness.

I'd be worried if anybody with obviously partisan motives was responsible for figuring out what went wrong, but it's clear that president Dark W. Helmet is the right man for the job.

After all, look at how fast he got to the bottom of that little matter of the outing of Valerie Plame.

Monday, September 05, 2005

missed opportunities

Idiots and cowards.

That's pretty much the Democratic party of today, or at least the visible party leadership.

Since shortly after the nomination of John Roberts to become a Justice of the Supreme Court, the democrats have been pretty subdued and many have even made it clear that, barring any major new developments, they would quietly permit little w. the luxury of his choice for the court with little or no resistance. Roberts has essentially already passed the review.

Now, with yet another amazing coincidence of the frightfully convenient timing of calamities that frequently draws media attention away from the administration's mistakes, William Rehnquist has suddenly died, and the president has announced that not only is the inexperienced Roberts a nominee for the Supreme Court, he is Bush's pick for the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.

And there really isn't a damned thing the democrats can do about it.

If the democrats had been a true opposition party that had any spine, they would have fought Roberts' nomination tooth and nail from the beginning, just on the principle that anybody this president chose would be a catastrophe for liberty in this country and that he would have to prove otherwise. They would have run Roberts through the same meat-grinder that the Republicans don't fear to use, even on private citizens like Cindy Sheehan.

Instead, they are now going to have incredible difficulty in justifying any sudden resistance to having John Roberts appointed to be the head of the most powerful judiciary body in the United States for possibly the next forty or fifty years.

Anything they say against Roberts will be easily dismissed by the republican slime machine as politically-motivated machinations, and justly so.

Politics isn't about not pissing people off. It's about really pissing off the right people so that they will work to achieve change.

Is there no liberal leader out there?

Sunday, September 04, 2005

to borrow a phrase

Driving past a church on the way home tonight, I noticed their front lawn sign bore the message "morals without jesus have no meaning."

To borrow a quote from Bill Maher, I only have one thing to say to the person who composed that message.

"Fuck you."

Insulted? Don't like that? Good.

"Fuck you."

Who do you think you are? You believers in fairy tales constantly say these kinds of pompously arrogant and self-righteous things to people like me who do not share your belief in irrational things. You expect people like me to respect you because it's your "religious belief."

"Fuck you."

You worshipers of myths and legends owe your very existence to people of reason like me. If it wasn't for the Age of Enlightenment and the Renaissance, our civilization would not exist. We RESCUED civilization from people like you who were burning people, drawing and quartering them, and even invading and laying waste to entire countries based upon the precepts of your preferred brand of superstition. Today you and your ilk are determined to undermine education and scientific knowledge in this country and will likely be the eventual cause of the demise of this noble American experiment.

"Fuck you."

You don't have THE RIGHT WAY. You don't have THE ONLY WAY.

You have YOUR WAY.

Kindly exercise your freedoms quietly and I will do the same. Otherwise?


Saturday, September 03, 2005

how do you spell relief?

Lots of politicians and pundits are saying that we should soon see some relief from the record gasoline prices that we are experiencing.

Makes sense. There's probably a million cars underwater in New Orleans.

the wrong end of the telescope

You know, if you let New Orleans get flooded and stay that way just long enough to have to transplant thousands of poor black people to new cities and new states and to have to bulldoze hundreds of square miles of ruined property, you are suddenly left with a shitload of valuable ready-to-landscape Gulf-front real estate to develop.

Sometimes I wonder if George isn't actually a HORRIFYING success. Just not in the ways the average person expects him to be.

the new lexicon

I noticed today that a good vocabulary truly is important. A wealthy white woman being interviewed by Wolf Blitzer on CNN related the tale of her escape from New Orleans. Particularly interesting was the part where she explained that some of the people with whom she was trapped "entered a flooded pharmacy and commandeered some medications" that some of the other people with them needed.

Good thing they weren't poor and black, I suppose. They would probably have been shot for breaking into a drugstore and looting it under Feckless Leader's "Zero Tolerance" policy.

forward to normal

There's a lot of nattering in the media over how long it will take to get New Orleans "back to normal."

That's an easy one.

New Orleans will NEVER be "back to normal."

At some point in the indeterminate future, there will be a living New Orleans again. It will not be the same city. They aren't going to rebuild all of the poor black neighborhoods and bring all of their displaced residents back. They aren't going to rebuild all of the small businesses that were destroyed. There will be a NEW New Orleans and it will be flashier, more corporate, and superficial.

But, thousands and thousands of people will be gone elsewhere, forever. Many of them will never fully regain their precarious toehold on existence and there will be no help forthcoming for them the way that there will be for the large companies and the wealthiest individuals. The safety net in this country only seems to catch the really big fish and lets the little ones strain right through un-noticed.

New Orleans will never be "back to normal" because New Orleans is going forward to normal.

But buried beneath the fragrances of Cajun cooking, cigar-redolent Dixieland bars and the warm and aromatic musk of the lowlands of the Gulf of Mexico, there will always be a faint miasma of tragedy and opportunities wasted.

Friday, September 02, 2005

failure is success!

I just caught some administration water carrier trying to explain to a cable news reader that the situation in New Orleans is an indication of how successful the efforts to protect the city were. You see, the levees only failed at one small area but held strong everywhere else even though the hurricane was much stronger than what the levees were designed to withstand.

It's sort of like if one of your tires blows out as you cruise down the highway at seventy miles an hour, sending your vehicle careening end over end, destroying it totally, and killing some of the occupants. It's actually a success because of the three tires that didn't blow up on you!

Don't you feel more at ease now?

phoning it in

With little Dark W. Helmet back at his "hard work" in Washington, D. C. after being on vacation for four-and-a-half weeks, it is also now being reported that Vice-President "Dick" Cheney has been vacationing at his Jackson, Wyoming-area home for the last couple of weeks.

So, in a country at war with an enemy that strikes with no warning, the two highest-ranking officials in the country can't even trouble themselves to vacation at different times?

Thank goodness the grownups are in charge.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

there's that other shoe

Dark W. Helmet's press "conference" (when only one person talks, it's a press release) accompanied by his daddy and Bill Clinton (at least there was ONE president in the room) has to have finally showed this country what I have been saying all along. Georgie is a slow-witted, confused, frightened, and ineffectual little man. Bill Maher was right.

President Bush sat still for seven minutes on September 11th, 2001, because he was waiting for his urine-soaked pants to dry out enough for him to stand up and be able to discreetly run for refuge on Air Force One.