Thursday, June 30, 2005

what's good for the goose...

Now comes the announcement, by way of little Scottie-dog McLellan, that the government is looking into allegations that Iran's president-elect Mahmood Ahmadinejad played a role in the 1979 siege of the US embassy in Teheran. You see, these guys have long memories, and they know that the way a person thought and acted back in the Seventies tells us who they really are and what they stand for today.

Can we talk about prezdint Dark Helmet's drinking and drugging now? About the abortion his girlfriend got? About Mrs. Helmet killing her boyfriend in a car crash and walking away scot-free with the report suppressed and no charges filed? About Rummy being chummy with Saddam? About Grover's support of Muslim fundamentalists? About...

Ahhh, fuck it.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

he's gone to plaid...

Once again, television brings the answer. Idly flipping through channels after little w.'s "speech" tonight, I lit upon the Turner Classic Movies channel, and I realized who the true archetype for our chimpish leader is.

George W. Bush is Dark Helmet.

"Go straight to... to... ludicrous speed!"

Tuesday, June 28, 2005


After watching our sad excuse for a president take over thirty minutes to explain yet again that all the people we are fighting are the same types of bad guys with the same ideology, they hate us for our freedom, that we are fighting them there so we don't have to fight them here, that things are going good in Iraq, that it's hard work spreading freedom and democracy, and that we aren't going to leave until we are done, whenever that is, I was suddenly struck with a sense of deja vu.

Yesterday, those of us living in Wichita were treated to the garish display of a little over forty minutes of Dennis Rader, also known as the BTK (Bind, Torture, Kill) serial killer, confessing to his crimes and including many hitherto unknown or undisclosed details of his ten horrendous homicides.

Both men, Rader and Bush, exhibited numerous similar behavioral traits, and their presentations were eerily similar. Both men tried to act is though they were utterly certain of themselves and both seemed to be desperately striving to convince their listeners by their sheer insistence that the way they perceive reality is the way it actually is. Both fell somewhat flat. I suspect more and more every day our simian "commander in chief" is as big a sociopath as Mr. Rader, the murderous dogcatcher.

Friday, June 24, 2005

by the way

Oh, Karl, if you're listening, I'm as liberal as they come and I don't want our armed forces personnel to die.

You, however, I'd love to eulogize.

Friday text-only cat-blogging

No amusements today, I'm just hoping that I won't have to post another RIP for one of my furry babies soon. Send my little Purdy your good karma. She needs it. So do I.

your tax dollars at work - or not

I received this returned email today:

This message was created automatically by mail delivery software. A message that you sent could not be delivered to one or more of its recipients. This is a permanent error. The following address(es) failed: (ultimately generated from mailbox is full------

Subject: I urge you to appoint an independent counsel for Tom DeLay!

Speaker Dennis Hastert

Dear Speaker Hastert, I urge you to support the appointment of an independent counsel to conduct the ethics investigation into Tom DeLay's activities. Clearly, the House Ethics Committee is compromised and cannot discharge its responsibilities fairly or objectively on its own. If Tom DeLay is truly innocent of these ethics allegations, then for the good of the people of the 22nd District and for the good of the Congress, it's time for him to get the investigation under way. The only way to get to the bottom of this ethics investigation is to appoint an independent counsel, and to do it today. Please restore honesty and integrity to Congress -- appoint an independent counsel to investigate Tom DeLay's ethics today!


Jones Alley

Karl's marks

Karl Rove, one of little w.'s chief puppeteers, has been in some hot water over his recent remarks impugning "liberals" as traitors to the United States. He included some grandiloquent verbal flourishes during his speech, and one moment was particularly amusing. Hearing a pasty little human cockroach like Rove use phrases like "it was time for us to brandish some steel" in order to butch himself up is incongruosly humorous when the reality of the situation is that he's clearly the type that would tearily offer his mouth for sexual pleasures in order to avoid getting beaten up.

Squeal like a pig, Karl.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

cruisin' for a bruisin'


I am not, nor have I ever been, a fan of Tom Cruise. With the exception of "The Last Samurai," I find his films difficult to sit through at best. With that clear, I would like to offer my own take on the "TomKat" nonsense in the press these days.


Love is where you find it. If anyone is fortunate enough to find someone that rocks their world, GO FOR IT! I wish you both happiness and a lasting relationship. I'm wise enough to realize that both of you are on the rebound from earlier relationships, which may bode ill for the longevity of your own relationship but does not preclude the two of you having many happy years together.

I noticed a CNN anchor refer to this as a "May/December relationship." What the fuck? "Early May/late June" maybe. And even then, who gives a damn? This country seems to think that all couples should be born the same year. This country is largely comprised of idiots.

Good luck and happiness to you both, and thank you for giving me back some of the hope I have lost as well.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Friday text-only cat-blogging

There are few moments in human to human interaction that are as touchingly complimentary as the trust that a cat displays when he permits you to roll him on his back and rub his belly. It's too bad so many people never earn that kind of a moment.

a bar too far

With all of the cacophony over torture and near-torture and the difference between us and Hitler or us and Saddam, I've finally understood something.

Some of us think that our country and our countrymen should act in ways that are above reproach and demonstrate our commitment to individual liberty and respect for humanity.

The radical right-wing Nutzis just want us to be not quite as bad as Hitler or Hussein.

Which kind of American are you?

Friday, June 10, 2005

Friday text-only cat-blogging

Staying on the "Shrek II" channel for a moment, there is also a terrific sendup of "COPS" called "KNIGHTS" in which Shrek (in human form) and Puss in Boots are collared by law enforcement. While Puss in Boots is pinned spread-eagled to a wall, the one of the nights pulls out an itty-bitty ziploc bag, holds it up to the camera and says "catnip," to which Puss in Boots responds "hey, man, that's, uh, not mine!" I think I ruptured my spleen from laughing...

Thursday, June 09, 2005

truth in media

Once again, Jon Stewart says it best. Interviewing Colin Powell, who was armed with smoothly rehearsed talking points ad nauseum, Stewart reminded Powell that when he made his address to the United Nations security council "that wasn't a vial of freedom powder you were wavin' around up there."

Can't we get this guy to run for president?

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

conservatively compassionate

So little w. is pledging 674 million dollars (da-da-duuuuuuh) in humanitarian assistance to Africa. What a guy. You know, I bet if you ask nice you could get Bill Gates to toss a nice crisp twenty-dollar bill on that pile...

...I was just wondering - will they simply add that to the fifteen billion to "fight AIDS in Africa" that this pathetic excuse for a president pledged during his first term? You remember, the fifteen billion that has yet to be spent?

No that couldn't be. That would mean junior was "disassembling" - you know, that means lying.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

how egregious does it have to get?

According to the just-released Pentagon investigation into "mishandling" of the Koran, one report claims that a ventilation system carried a soldier's urine into a prisoner's cell, which got on the prisoner and his Koran.

And hasn't that happened to all of us at one time or another? It's embarassing enough without dragging it into the media.

Go back to sleep now.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Deep Throat, part 2

Back in the 70's and 80's, I did a few stints as a salesman of pianos and organs at the large mall piano stores that were so prevalent back then. Part of the routine was to troll for prospects by sitting out at the front of the store playing standards on one of the auto-accompaniment "home entertainment" type instruments, what we sales people irreverently called "pumping the organ." I grew bored of the standard one-finger demo songs, and had some fun playing my own selections. I found that the theme music from the film "Deep Throat," a bouncy little circus-type tune, fit perfectly into the "Fox Trot" music style of most of these machines so I used to play it as people walked around the mall. It was humorous and telling to watch people walk by and try to place the song. It was even funnier to occasionally answer the question "what song is that, anyway?" for the folks who I could tell just couldn't place a familiar tune and watch the subsequent expressions on their faces.

Friday text-only cat-blogging

I finally sat down and watched Shrek 2, and while it was (in the manner of the Austin Powers sequels) more polished than the original, it was also much more contrived and gratuitous than the originall. However, the moment when Princess Fiona, after having been magically transformed to her human shape, meets Donkey and Puss in Boots in the woods, was so undexpected and so real I nearly cracked a rib laughing. The image of Puss (played to perfection by Antonio Banderas) sitting on a log with his back to the camera, purring like an Evinrude while he absorbedly licks his crotch, is a wonderful commentary on what tomcats really are like.

"For you, baby, I could be," indeed.

Deep Throat, part 1

The infinitely ethical and magnanimous Albert Gonzales has announced that the government will "probably" not prosecute Mark Felt for passing government secrets to reporters as the famed "Deep Throat" source from the Watergate days.

What a guy.