Sunday, April 30, 2006


Keith Richards, sixty-two year-old guitarist for the Rolling Stones, was briefly hospitalized in Fiji for a mild concussion. It is reported that Mr. Richards injured his head when he fell out of a coconut tree.

And people wonder why I'm a rock musician.

very special rendition

Stephen Colbert, be careful starting your car for the next, uh, forever:

Warning, this clip may cause multiple hernias:

Friday, April 28, 2006

Friday text-only cat-blogging

I have three cats now. When I go to the loo, all three of them follow me.

I have a couple of friends who have more than 20 cats each. I can only imagine what it's like when they go to the loo...

Thursday, April 27, 2006

fun with math

Exxon-Mobil's first-quarter 2006 profits:
8.4 billion dollars

Exxon-Mobil's unpaid punitive damages for the Exxon Valdez:
4.5 billion dollars

Exxon-Mobil's retirement package for Lee Raymond:
400 million dollars

Which one of these sums does Exxon-Mobil feel is excessive?

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

and counting

1000 days until our national nightmare is over.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

great moments in "duh"

See if you can find the news in this. I can't:

Replacing the unusually tiny-handed Scott McClellan, FOX News propagandist Tony Snow will become the official spokesman for the failed presidency of George W. Bush.

(Gives new meaning to the phrase "Snow job," doesn't it?)

Monday, April 24, 2006

surreal, indeed

I admit it. I watch crap on television.

Wait, that's redundant, isn't it?

Anyway, indulging myself in this season's version of VH-1's "The Surreal Life" tonight I noticed that in the opening segment's brief cast bios, Tawni Kitaen, one of this year's truly quirky participants, is featured in a soundbite in which she said that her famous Jaguar-buffing scene "in the Whitesnake video really jump-started my career."

Uhh, Tawni - you may be reading a bit much into that. Actually, the Whitesnake video was your career.

(P.S. - is it just me or is Poison's C.C. DeVille turning into Joe Pesci?)

Saturday, April 22, 2006


I visit a large midwestern U.S. Air Force base regularly, at least every couple of weeks or so. Normally, the entry procedure is simple, you drive up to the main gate, show entry pass and identification, and get waved on through, frequently without even having to come to a complete stop. It's a lot like driving into a large business facility such as a manufacturing plant where they have modest security.

This morning, the tenth-of-a-mile-long approach to the main gate was heavily barricaded.

Concrete roadblocks formed a four-turn slalom course and converted a three-lane entry into a narrow and convoluted path impossible to drive more than a couple of miles an hour on and that permitted only one vehicle at a time to approach the gate.

Numerous large pieces of metal pipe embedded in the road surface, similar to those used to delineate many parking lots, completed the obstacle course.

At the gate, I was scrutinized carefully, the interior of the car was likewise visually inspected, and several questions regarding my business there, my destination, how long I planned to be there, and whether anybody else was in the car (a Ford Explorer, hard to hide a human in unseen) were asked, and my face was observed closely as I answered. My identification was carefully examined, and it was evident that my signatures were being compared.

The only times that the base has manifested security this tight was in the weeks following the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon and during the run-up to the invasion of Iraq. It was quite obvious that the military facility was on high alert and was taking unusual precautions.

It's time to get nervous. Something big is afoot. I think we really are going to war in Iran.

my Earth Day report

On April 22, 1971, the first Earth Day was observed. People all over the country in all walks of life pledged to do things to positively affect the environment.

Then George W. Bush was made president.

The End.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Pink, white and blue

Another musician comes out of the "cone of silence." Welcome aboard, Pink!

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

I married a patriot

George W. Bush today thanked departing administraton shill Scott McClellan for his "service to this country."

Hmmm. Obfuscating, evading, blamepassing, justifying, misleading, denying, telling blatant lies, these are all considered as "service" to the United States of America?

If all of those things are considered noble and laudable, I owe somebody an apology. I had no idea that my ex-wife was only serving the country.

In Defense of Science

Never in my life did I EVER think I would be living in a world where scientists are running scared from the combined forces of politics and religion. Please read this link:

and just be aware of what is occurring in our country.

putting the shoe on the other foot

"According to internet-accessible information, Michelle Malkin lives at 19930 Wild Cherry Lane in Germantown, Maryland, 20874. Her telephone number is (301) 515-7601."

Props to the "Cannonfire" blog for posting this information. Have fun.

Exit McClellan

and another one...and another one...

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

more headline snark

In other news today, Bush's public tantrum over the calls to depose Donald Rumsfeld for his hideous mis-execution of the Iraq invasion is receiving a lot of attention, particularly little George's hilarious claim that he's "the decider."

Apparently, that's not the "Intelligent Decider."

a real headline

"Tom To Eat Katie's Placenta"


(I don't mean to belabor [yes, a childbirth pun] the obvious, but I can easily think of parts of Katie's lithe little form that it would be much more fun to nibble on...)

the good old days

I fondly remember that my political and musical awakenings happened virtually simultaneously, back in the late Sixties and early Seventies. Back then, rock musicians formed an almost united front in the push back against the hideous mistake of our involvement in Viet Nam. Songs like "War" by Edwin Starr, "Give Peace a Chance" by John Lennon, and "Fortunate Son" by Creedence Clearwater Revival all represented the opposition of the young people in this country to American imperialism run amok.

For the last couple of years, the Dixie Chicks were really the visible face of the musical anti-war (which really is a good idea, think about it) cadre, and they were castigated for it and people are still telling lies about how damaging their public distaste for George W. Bush was to their careers. For the record, they have made a lot of money after their dustup a couple of years ago, not lost money.

We now have our second entrant into the anti-war musical crowd.

Neil Young.

Yes, the Neil Young that is the Young in Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. You know, the guys from the FIRST Woodstock, the one I went to at Max Yasgur's farm in August of 1969.

Apparently, there aren't many young people against the war. Just a lot of them that haven't bothered to support with their blood and tissue the ass-kicking rhetoric that they type on their multitudinous MySpace and Xanga sites. The ones that are not enlisting in such large droves that the US military is practically accepting oxygen-deprived serial killers in order to barely meet their requirements for IED fodder in the Fertile Crescent.

Neil Fucking Young.

Thank you, Neil. You are STILL an American patriot. Although I have to admit, I had hoped that you would be able to pass the torch to the young people by now.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Tell it like it is...

An on-line poll, at a local Austin, Texas news website:
Quite often, these polls are an opportunity to watch an exchange of comments from those on the right and the left in the blue spot on the map in Texas.

Today's poll
What will you do if gas prices top $3?
A. Take the bus/ride my bike.
B. Organize a carpool
C. Nothing.

A particulary colorful response was:

"Something rational like: (a) blaming Clinton, (b) talking about the threat of unprotected borders, (c) imposing more standardized testing upon school children, (d) recalling 9/11, or (e) campaigning for a Constitutional amendment prohibiting marriage betweens gays. In other words, doing something that fails to hold any member of the current Administration accountable for anything. That is our SOP now."

That rather says a lot, doesn't it?

Sunday, April 16, 2006

opposite day

I just went to WalMart to get kitty litter. As I drove up to the parking lot entrance, I noticed that the strip club next door had a big, bright new neon sign to attract passers-by.

The sign said "GENTLEMEN'S CLUB."

If only.

(Don't misunderstand me. I couldn't care less if nude women dance for men who don't mind the hypocrisy of the situation. Just don't pretend that the place is some sort of bastion of chivalry and gentility.)

Saturday, April 15, 2006

to Violet Jessop

#401, April 15, 1912

Friday, April 14, 2006

for whom the bell tolls

Mr. Bush has just released a statement of his continued support for Donald Rumsfeld, apparently in response to the numerous calls for his resignation that have been made by an increasing number of high-ranking military officers.

If I were Rummy, I'd be getting nervous about now. George often embraces people while he's sliding the knife in between their ribs.

It's his style.

blinding realization

I just received an email from a person with whom I have been acquainted for several years, someone that I know is a good person, someone who wouldn't hurt a fly, who is kind to children and dogs and old ladies, lives his life honorably, and who I consider a friend.

His clearly pained email was prompted by his reading of the Flight 93 transcript released yesterday, the cockpit voice recording of the last thirty minutes of that doomed aircraft.

In his email, he expressed his anger over the incident and commented that Zacarias Moussaoui, as the living legacy of the perpetrators of that day, should be viciously punished. Without specifically enumerating some of his ideas, suffice it to say that he thought that Moussaoui should not be executed outright but should instead be given to a certain, shall we say, ethnically motivated portion of the prison population in one of our most hardcore penal institutions, a population characterized by indiscriminate racist violence against anyone not like them. This normally good and kind person went on for several sentences about the horrific kinds of retribution that would be visited upon Moussaoui by these aggressive and destructive people, things that honestly made the Abu Ghraib events sound like a trip to Disneyland.

I am sure that if this respectable American harbors these kinds of vengeful fantasies that he isn't the only one. It suddenly occurred to me that a frightfully high percentage of Americans would agree with his statements and probably add some more fantasy acts of vengeance of their own.

I hope people who feel that way will stop and think for just a few minutes about where that train of thought disembarks.

A nation's true honor is measured by the way it treats those who have offended it the most grievously.

I'll say openly that I am no fan of the death penalty. Not for religious reasons (probably obvious to regular readers,) not for any sort of bleeding-heart philosophy, but because it lowers our society to the moral level of those we choose to destroy. I'm not going to quibble about the wisdom of the death penalty here other than to say that in this case, it makes a certain amount of sense. The man wants to die. I see no reason to not provide him with what he desires.

However, the real issue is not whether he is executed or not, it is the manner of his execution.

When we, as a nation, decide to exercise our legal authority to kill anyone, it must be done cleanly. We are, after all, the country that prides itself on being civilized, and we must back up our noble sentiments with actions consistent with our espoused philosophy or we are the worst of hypocrites.

If he receives the death sentence, Moussaoui should be treated fairly and unemotionally and the sentence should be carried out the same way that a rabid dog is put down, with no malice, with no anger, with only the simple understanding that we have exercised a unique privilege against another human. We should make sure he dies as quickly and as painlessly as is in our power to do. His remains should be treated with respect as a fellow human being, one who was horribly flawed, but a human being nonetheless. We must execute him in regret for the necessity of our deed, not in retribution for his. Killing a human is an act of the utmost responsibility of the state and should be conducted with the gravity it deserves.

To go about it in any other fashion would prove us to be flawed in the same way as Zacarias Moussaoui and his ideological brethren.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

this is comforting

You know that you are living in utterly insane times when Bill O'Reilly comes off as logical and measured simply by discussing immigration policy with Trann Coulter.

the blood of patriots

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." - Thomas Jefferson

"Give me liberty or give me death." - Patrick Henry

"I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country." - Nathan Hale

"Those who would exchange essential liberties for temporary security deserve neither freedom nor security." - Benjamin Franklin

America, where did you go?

It is a disgrace, a shame that will ensure this generation will be remembered for a long time as an example of how far we have sunk as a nation. When did we become so cowardly? Who persuaded the American people that we have to be, contrary to all attainable reality, "protected" from the horrible world around us? Who persuaded the American people that their continued individual existence is more important than the ideals that this country was founded on?

We live in a dangerous universe. It will always be so. Anybody who thinks that the actions of any government can shield them from the vagaries of humanity, nature, and sheer chance is deluded.

I love my country. I always have. I always will. Today, though, I am ashamed of my country in a way I have never been and hope will pass sometime soon.

My father grew up in a frightening world. Born just before the Depression, his family survived the worst economic hardships this country has suffered. He served in World War II, Korea, and Viet Nam. He served in the Navy, the Army, and the Air Force. He always understood that to defend America meant to defend points of view he disagreed with personally, including a lot of mine.

Today, it is the omnipresent mantra of "9/11" and "everything changed that day" and "it's a different world now" and "a different kind of threat." What a crock. I am 53 years old, an Air Force brat, and I grew up with a high expectation of nuclear annihilation. I lived with "duck and cover" drills on a regular basis, as though hiding under our flimsy school desks would shield us from megaton-sized nuclear warheads. I lived on high-priority targets, knew where the local bomb shelters were, drove past fully armed and ready-to-scramble B-52's, B-47's, B-58's, B-57's, Titan silos, and nuclear storage bunkers every day of my young life. Those were frightening times, and I'm glad that we don't have such an immediate threat of atomic warfare today. Civilization itself was threatened with extinction, yet somehow, we went on with our daily lives and didn't bathe ourselves in the stench of cowardice and fear.

Let's face it. Was September the 11th objectively really that bad? Yes, it was a horrible day in our history. But, let's remind ourselves of what really happened and compare it with what is happening in response to it and see if our extraordinary response is justified.

We lost five buildings, four aircraft and 3300 human lives. If those events had happened coincidentally around the country with no terrorism involved, it would have rapidly been forgotten. Yes, there were serious financial effects, but our trillion dollar adventure in Iraq is going to have a lot more deleterious effect on the United States' future than the events of September 11th, 2001.

Even on a Strategic Air Command base, we were allowed free speech and were not judged security risks because we were all Americans and our military knew that it was protecting the very freedom to dissent.

Bush has it backwards. Protect the Constitution first, then the people. We have become a nation of pussies. Patriots and heroes are not necessarily volunteers, sometimes they are just innocent people caught in events beyond their control. We honor their sacrifice as Americans, and we move on. The whole is greater and more important than the sum of the parts, and we must fight for the ideal of America, not for Americans.

We live in a land of laws, not of people. That is what makes this country capable of greatness. Let's work to make it great again.

Darling Dubya...

We've figured out why "w" is the darling of the religious right:

He dis-proves evolution.
(rim shot)

yes, it is

"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States." - Article II, Section I of the Constitution of the United States.

Yes, George, it's "just a goddamned piece of paper."
It's the one you swore to "preserve, protect and defend."


Does this ring a bell now?

Memory problems are frequently associated with advanced alcoholism.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

This Hurts

Disclaimer: I know nothing about this source, and have not run into any corroboration of the prez's statements, or the Attorney-General's.

It's a Take it for What It's Worth sort of link.

could be

It's 1979. The stench of decaying polyester from the death of disco is heavy in the air. The young George W. Bush is busy evading a real job and is drinking large quantities of alcohol and snorting cocaine, as are many other young Americans. The country is in upheaval at the imprisonment of a few dozen American hostages by a theocratic government in the Middle East. The Beachboys experience the time-warp of having one of their old hits come back to life in clubs all over the United States, with a subtle alteration.

Everywhere you go, drunken kids sing "Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran" at the tops of their intoxicated lungs as drugged out DJ's spin the record when the evening's band takes a break.

George seems to be having a bit of a flashback. I hope he sobers up soon.

as long as we're on it

I would be remiss in not also observing that forty-five years ago today, the era of manned space flight began with a shy young test pilot flying the Vostok 1 into orbit around the Earth and successfully landing an hour and forty-eight minutes later.

Yuri Alekseyevich Gagarin left the ground a nobody and returned to Earth as the first spaceman. He lost his life in a plane crash in 1968, but in the short remaining time he lived after his historic flight, he also married the first woman in space, fellow cosmonaut Valentina Tereshkova.


Twenty-five years ago today, I heard the loudest sound I have ever heard. I've heard the sound a couple of times since, but the impression that first time made on me a couple of decades ago will stay with me for the rest of my life.

I was living in Daytona Beach, Florida, enjoying an extended period of excess and debauchery. Yes, I was a musician. Most of my life has been spent with that as a primary label, and at that time, I was reveling in being young and attractive and talented and living in the moment.

However, my existence has been mostly traveled on two seemingly unrelated but parallel paths.

I'm also a lifelong science geek. Even during my most depraved days, my love for science has remained equally as strong as my love of music. As it happens, the two were instilled in me within weeks of each other.

In 1957, my father took me outside one dark spring night and let me look through his binoculars at something more magical and wonderful than I had ever seen. Comet Arend-Roland was a popular night-sky viewing event that spring, much like the recent apparition of Comet Hale-Bopp.

Looking at that ghostly, shrouded blob of light in the binocular eyepieces, I was hooked on the stars for good. My interest in astronomy rapidly metastasized into an interest in the burgeoning exploration of space. I knew the Mercury 7 better than I knew my neighbors.

When I moved to Daytona Beach in 1980, I knew I was in a great place to satisfy my two biggest lusts, music and space science. The best part? The United States was about to embark on a new chapter in the manned exploration of space.

The Space Transportation System, better known as the Space Shuttle, was the first true, reuseable spacecraft in the world. It was a Lear Jet in comparison to the Wright Flyer of the Mercury capsules, and was an amazing quantum leap in the technology of manned space flight.

On April 12, 1981, I drove to what was at that time still named Cape Kennedy, and managed to get about as close as uninvited civilians were permitted to get to the launch apron, about three miles north of where our first real spaceship was going to take its maiden flight. With radio in hand broadcasting the countdown, I stood on the roof of the car, looking out over the Atlantic Ocean a couple of hundred yards away, and when the Launch Controller said "ignition," the sound of the world disappeared.

Sound itself didn't disappear. The universe was permeated with a low-pitched roar laced with a crackling like a campfire made of a stack of sequoias, and the shuttle Columbia with Robert Crippen and John Young flying it, slowly lifted off the lauchpad, a light too bright to look at glowing at the top of a rapidly lengthening pillar of smoke.

The very ocean vibrated. Patterns of wavelets on the calm Atlantic waters of that day made the ocean look like a gigantic ultrasonic jewelry cleaner.

I put my fingers in my ears. The sound did not diminish, it was as if it were coming from inside of me rather than from this accelerating and shrinking white bird at the tip of the massive cloud of white mist trailing behind it.

Within a minute and a half, the sound reduced to the roar of a large military jet and then faded away entirely as the shuttle accelerated east across the ocean and disappeared from view.

I saw a few more shuttle launches while I lived there, and while the experience never changed, the shock of that first time was unrepeatable. It's difficult to believe that sound can be such a physical phenomenon, as sound in our daily life is so much more restrained and controlled than the noise of millions of horsepower of energy being released in a short time.

Sadly, the shuttle Columbia is no more, having suffered catastrophic structural failure during re-entry a few years ago, killing seven brave astronauts in a brief blaze of light and heat witnessed by the entire world.

However, their comrades carry on in their memory and in their spirit. The state motto of Kansas is "Ad Astra per Aspera," Latin for "To the Stars Through Difficulties."

It is also a fine accolade for these courageous explorers living in our time.

to our eternal shame

Listening to the September 11th, 2001 emergency calls made to the 911 operators in New York City by people trapped in the World Trade Center towers, calls that were played today in the penalty phase of the trial of Zacarias Moussaoui, the tragedy and horror of that heartbreaking event came rushing back to me nearly as vividly as it was on that transformational fall morning. I found myself thinking about the direction our government has taken, how our countrymen's desire for righteous vengeance was twisted into a ghastly experiment in empire and nation-building with no obvious justification other than to satisfy the personal vendettas of a privileged few as well as to massage their entirely unwarranted self-importance, and to grease the palms of the well-heeled power brokers who help them maintain their lawless regime's control of the United States of America.

We are nearly five years from that unparalleled attack on our country and the perpetrators remain free and unpunished in any real way. We have sullied our national reputation, we have alienated a huge percentage of the world's population, we have virtually destroyed our own economy, and we have placed ourselves in a position of extreme vulnerability, yet our leadership continues to pat themselves on the back for doing a "heckuva job" rather than groveling for our forgiveness as they should be in a just universe.

George W. Bush and the members of his staff and administration have tarnished the memory of the innocent victims of that horrible day. They have spit on the charred corpses of our fellow Americans, yet they now are showing every indication of taking us down yet another road to ruination completely unchecked with seeming little likelihood of having their apocalyptic visions derailed.

The president and his administration have betrayed the public trust, and have irreparably damaged our great country.

They are not simply incompetent.

They are traitors.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

More tea...

Oh, dears, let me just say that we have had yet another interesting news day already, and my head spins over these newsy posts.
I fear my pencil won't hold out much longer--the eraser is nibbled away completely, and the tiny metal band that once affixed it to the pencil, is hopelessly pinched and distorted. The wood is pitted and my teeth do ache.
Parchments lie crumpled on the floor--the debris of the inner struggle with my thoughts. I have, at once, both the desire to offer full disclosure of my thoughts on the day's topics, and the desire to remain objective, as a publisher should, presenting only the facts of the day and allowing the reader to form their own, enlightened and informed opinion about the state of affairs here in the colonies and on the continent and beyond.
I believe it's time to put the kettle on and prepare a pot of tea. I think I shall, again, have to consider the options at hand, and try to resolve my conflict.
I have an engagement, for which I will be out the entire evening, but will give my thoughts some pause and hope to reach a point of decision, at which time I can go forward with my participation in this honorable venture.
Now, to that tea...

let's try some facts

Just click the link - anything I have to say would be redundant and only dilute the power of this post:

January Press Release from Halliburton

Does anyone besides me find this article disturbing?

I've been thinking that there is no way all our illegal immigrants will be turned into felons overnight. After all, where would we put them? Our prisons are overcrowded as it is, and they are estimating 11 to 12 million illegals present and not accounted for.

The article linked above presents a possible solution. Once again, I have been naive.

We are becoming what our fathers and grandfathers fought against.

Monday, April 10, 2006

lest we forget

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me.
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

- Emma Lazarus

this land is our land

Evidently, a half-million people thought that the Bush administration's policies on immigration in this country were worth protesting en masse in Washington, D.C. today. Peaceful marches and demonstrations took place in dozens of cities around the United States, composed of ordinary people from all walks of life getting out and showing their support for what our nation is really all about, strength through diversity, not conformity, and welcoming the less fortunate who come here to build lives for themselves and their families and who end up making this a better land in the process instead of sowing the seeds of division and distrust the way our current "leaders" are.

This is America at its finest. I couldn't be prouder of my countrymen. Maybe we do have a chance after all. It seems that the people haven't forgotten what we stand for, even if our leaders have.

Hope is the bedrock we are built upon.

What Mary needs

Thank you, Ronni. That moment of loveliness lasted a few moments for me, but I fear I have seen some of today's news items and I've been chewing, nay, chomping on my pencil. I was not expecting to rush into a long, spicy and cynical post--at least not on my first day at the desk, but I've already responded to two friendly requests for discussions on today's news items and I fear am have become agitated!

I think I will go off, have a proza...dear, I mean a cup of tea, chew on my pencil a bit more, and see if I can gather my thoughts into something a little more digestible for my first journey down Jones Alley. I certainly don't want to run any readers off just yet. Just as well, we probably all need to breathe deeply and think about that calm, smiling face a bit longer.

Ms. Goddard

What Milo Needs

From my *ahem* feminine point of view, I have determined that Jones Alley Magazine needs an occasional photograph of a beautiful woman with a beautiful smile.

So, this is Lyn. She is in a play I am costuming, and this was taken yesterday, out back of the theater, between scenes.

(Now back to your regularly scheduled politics)

that's reassuring

In a yet another speech and brief Q&A session at Johns Hopkins School of Advanced International Studies in Washington today, President Bush explained to the audience in his usual patronizing manner that he wants to use diplomacy to keep Iran from becoming a nuclear power. At the same time, he inserted his customary "all options are on the table" disclaimer into the mix. He also indirectly referred to Seymour Hersh's recent "New Yorker" article describing plans to attack Iran with nuclear weapons to paralyze their nuclear program as "wild speculation."

The pliant corporate media of our nation are reporting this, with their usual air of naive trust, as somehow debunking the idea that we are gearing up for war in another Middle Eastern country.

For some strange reason, I keep getting this horrible sense of deja vu.

it's official

Welcome (in coin-toss order) Ronni and Mary K. Goddard to Jones Alley. It has been my privilege and my honor to have become acquainted with these sisters-separated-at-birth over the last year, and I am looking forward to continuing to learn from them as well as sharing their charm, wit and wisdom with our treasured readers. I think we will provide you with some interesting reading over the coming months, different points of view, and a dash of fun to boot. We may be small in numbers, but we do have a great deal of influence in a certain demographic.

By my calculations, we represent approximately 37% of the Felis Domesticus population of this country.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

breaking news!

In the name of keeping this blog fresh, exciting, and remarking on the universe we live in from different perspectives, I have invited two wonderful e-friends I have developed over the last year to become co-bloggers from here in Jones Alley. I will introduce them formally as soon as I get confirmation that they have both decided to participate. Watch this space for the big announcement soon!

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Friday, April 07, 2006


It's surprising how enlightening watching crappy movies can be. Watching yet another one the other day, I finally understood how George W. Bush developed his theory of governance. I can sum it up with one quote:

"I AM the law."

Yes, George thinks he's Judge Dredd.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

it's Lenny's fault

Seems a lot of people, including most of CBS, are not terribly enthused about Katie Couric taking over the Evening News anchor slot. I really don't understand why. It's not like she isn't qualified and experienced, not to mention full of that elusive quality shared by greats like Murrow and Cronkite, that ineffable something called "gravitas."

After all, who was it that broke the "Shark Slayer" story?

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

there he goes again

In a response to John Kerry's proposal for finally getting the United States out of Iraq and accelerating Iraqi self-sufficiency, White House piss-boy Scotty McLellan once again dragged out our idiot president's talking point that "most Americans won’t be satisfied with anything less than a clear cut 'victory' in Iraq," that "pulling out soon would be 'retreating,'" and that "we will not lose our nerve."

Scotty, Scotty, Scotty.

Don't you think it's about time you and the incompetent fool you represent stopped TELLING "the American people" what we think and instead started LISTENING to what we think?

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Senator Faust, I presume?

Jon Stewart:
"Are you going into crazy base-world?"

Senator John McCain:
"I'm afraid so."

no child left behind

The breaking news this evening has been of the arrest in Florida of Brian Doyle, Deputy Press Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, on charges of soliciting a minor. Under the impression he was in contact with a fourteen year-old girl, Doyle is said to have offered explicit descriptions of what he would like to do with her, asked her to perform sexual acts, had explicit telephone conversations with "her" (actually an adult agent impersonating the non-existent young girl) and sent X-rated MPEG files to her, and many other charges of a similar and graphic sexual nature.

My question?

What kind of delusional idiot actually thinks there are fourteen year-old girls who are so overcome by their hormones and their blossoming sexual identity that they would actually be interested in being with a man three or four times their age and are just waiting online to be approached by some freaky Mr. Right?

no further Delay


Monday, April 03, 2006

turkey and the Straw

Condoleezza Rice has been busy with a "surprise" visit to Iraq the last few days. I love the way they term these visits as "surprises," when the only real surprise is that they are too in fear for their lives to go there in the light of day, despite all of the good news that the administration assures us is coming out of Iraq lately. The funniest part of it all? She is being accompanied by British Foreign Minister Jack Straw in her efforts to meddle with the much-ballyhooed fledgling "democracy" in Iraq.

Yes, that's right.

She brought her own straw man to the freak show.