Wednesday, January 02, 2008

for Tweety

I channel-surfed into the increasingly divorced-from-reality "Hardball" for a moment today and noticed that Tweety Matthews was rolling out his latest assault on Mt. Hillary.

It seems that the Big Yellow Head has concocted his latest "I-am-too-a-big-boy-journalist" question designed to stop her supporters in their tracks with a contrived "have you stopped beating your wife" kind of concern trollishness and permits him to launch another one of his oxygen-deprived grunts of "HA!"

The question he has discovered that is so difficult to answer?

"As president, how would she be different from Bill Clinton?"

In Tweety's enormous downy head, Bill Clinton's tenure as president was horrible. Evidently, Matthews thinks that eight years of growing prosperity, peace, social progress and technological development was the wrong thing for the United States. Anybody sane who hears that question is struck for a moment by a sense of "what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" and momentarily frozen for a moment because of the sweeping stupidity of the query, not because the Clinton presidency was a catastrophe. Never mind that wealth and power is being ever more concentrated in the hands of a dynastic few. Never mind that eight years of Bush rule has transformed this country into a torturing banana republic where the rich and powerful are free to break the law with no penalty. Never mind that the Bush administraton has turned us into a pathetic parody of empire that invades third-world countries to "help" them. Never mind that our government is illegally spying on us citizens with the assistance of those who we pay to maintain our privacy. Never mind that Osama Bin Laden is still running free and sending us new mix tapes with more regularity than Bush press conferences. Never mind that our country is under the thumbs of Constitution-hating theocrats. Never mind that the empty suits and emptier heads running for president on the republican ticket would accelerate our downward spiral.

Tweety wants to know how she would be different than Bill.

Well, Tweety, you seem to have forgotten the one reason you obsessed over Bill Clinton in the first place and the biggest way in which Hillary will differ from her husband as President of the United States. I'm upset that you would overlook it as it gave meaning to your tawdry little life as well as completely unmerited job security, not to mention countless nights of spittle-flecked masturbatory fantasy.

She won't be getting any hummers in the Oval Office.

You're welcome.


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